It's getting easier.

Today was my third day of getting up early and I have to say, it was not as bad as the other days. I guess it also helped that I had a good night's sleep. I actually woke up before my alarm went off.

It was good for me that today of all days that I actually could think straight because Tyler had a meltdown. Kids are so funny. Well, not really funny as in haha. What I mean is they are these small people who have emotions just like adults but they don't know how to express them. So he started out saying something about his birthday party which was news to me because his bday is in September. So I just listened. Then he said, "When I have my birthday party I wanted to invite the kids from my other class." Then he just burst into tears. I told him that it was ok and that by the time he has his birthday he will be in first grade so he would have been in a different class anyway. We kept talking about it for a few minutes. And then he said, " I don't like it when people miss me." I was like, what? So I asked him what he meant. He said that his old teacher, you know the one I hated, told him she would miss him and he doesn't like her missing him. He wants to go back to her class. I explained that I was sorry that we had to move and that he had two teachers now and everything was going to be great. That really didn't help. lol. So I asked him if he liked his new class and he said no. I asked him why and he said there was too much yelling. I assumed he meant from the other kids. But when I asked him what he meant he said the teacher yells at the other kids and he's afraid she going to yell at him. We talked about it some more and I told him I packed him his lunch and then a special snack for snack time (because I am an awesome mom!) and I showed it to him. I thought it would make him happy but he just burst into tears again. So I asked him what was wrong now. He said he wanted to go back to his old class because they had snack before lunch time and his new class has snack before carline. AHHHH...finally. So let me get this straight. He is upset because he misses his old friends and now doesn't like the new class because his routine is totally out of whack and is afraid the teacher is going to yell at him? I totally get it. The birthday thing was what was throwing me off. Also he is probably nervous about starting a new school and moving and all but he didn't know how to deal with. Which then caused the meltdown. I just let him cry for a few minutes because face it, sometimes you just need to get it out. Then I told him he could have some yogurt when he got home from school. Apparently that did the trick and he was fine. And then on the way to school he started telling me some good things that he liked about his new school. So I guess he doesn't totally hate it. It will just take some getting used to.

I'm gonna be whiny for a minute.

So since we moved my life has been kind of...jump started. I say it that way because that is what it feels like. Before, Dustin got Tyler off to school in the mornings and I just slept in with the girls. Then we just sort of had a lazy day where things got done but we didn't have to have a set routine. Now, We ALL have to get up and get ready to go so I can take Tyler and my sister to school. This makes the girls cranky because they are used to sleeping in, too. Then we have to pick them up in the afternoons. And then yesterday, my sister forgot her lunch so I had to take it to her. By the end of the day Kali was like, "Ugh, we are going again?" I feel you, honey.

I think the main thing for me is getting up early. Getting up at 6am really...sucks. I pretty much have no motivation in the morning. Unless, it's for a particularly special reason. Anyway, I can barely drag myself out of bed (especially if it is cold) let alone dress 3 others. At least I have good kids though. I can barely think straight and the kids are so funny. This morning for instance, Cadee was following me around the house while I was aimlessly searching for who knows what, and she started saying "I wanna brush teeth, Mommy". Yes! That was the next thing I couldn't remember that I had to do. Brush the kids teeth. Thanks Cay. Then as we were leaving, the alarm in my car went off saying low gas. So I said, "Great! I need to get gas" out loud. Then I got side tracked taking everyone to school and all. But on the way home, right before I drove 10 miles into the boonies where there isn't any gas stations Kali speaks up and says, "You can get gas right here, Mommy." Wow. How can a 4 year old and 2 year old be alert and know whats going on and I can barely function? I don't drink coffee or anything so that wouldn't be of any use to me. I think I need some vitamins or something.

You know, the real reason for all this is Dustin. It's all his fault for spoiling me. Now I have to be a grown up. Boo!

Something I wrote.

I was watching this movie the other day and it reminded me of a few things and then I felt inspired. So I wrote this.


I wonder if you ever think of me
If you ever think about how it felt
When our lips first touched
I wonder if the fire still burns your lips
I see you talking
but I can't hear a word
I can only see your mouth
Wishing it was on mine
Your tongue caressing mine
Just like the first time
Telling me that you want me
Without ever saying a word
Do you wish your lips could still touch mine?
Do you ever think of me?


It's really funny how this came about because I just so happened to be looking at Scarlett Johansen's lips when I felt inspired to write this. But just so you know this was NOT inspired by a real life girl. Haha...I just have a really odd thought process, OK?

It's too early.

I am not a morning person. I would rather stay up all night, go to bed around 7am, and sleep til about 1pm or 2pm. As a mom though, that is totally unreasonable. So I have to get up when everyone else does. Which with the girls I have been totally lucky because they like to sleep in as well. But since we've moved, I have had to become the responsible adult that I should already have been. Boo.

So this morning I had to get up at about 6:30 am and start trying to get all three kids ready to go so I could get Tyler and Savanna to school on time. What I discovered is that I was totally unprepared to take on this early morning task. It worked out though and everyone made it to school on time. I just know exactly what to do for tomorrow to make it go a little bit smoother. I wish I could find a babysitter that would take Kali and Cadee for a couple hours after I dropped Tyler and Savanna at school. That way I could just go straight to the gym while I was out. That would make *my* day a little smoother. :)

Oh and Tyler started his first day at his new school today. It's a brand new school so everything is really nice. And the staff was nice. His old school just really irritated me. Especially his teacher. But at this school he has two teachers. What was so funny was that I actually knew one of them. She looked a little familiar when I first saw her. I remember her with really blonde hair and now she is a dark brunette. Then she was like, "I know you, we used to ride the bus together!" I want to say I knew her from Petal but I'm not sure. I have been to a lot of schools and rode many buses so, who knows? He seemed pretty comfortable going into a new class. if he is anything like me he will be fine. I can make friends with anyone. And I'm not really shy in a new setting. Ha...I don't think I could be concidered shy in any type of setting.

Anyway, I read a friends blog last night. He had posted random pics and stuff that he had seen just as he was going about his day. It was really great. So today, while I was out...Early...I looked around and actually took note of what I was seeing. I didn't take pictures or anything. Although, I thought about it. But it was great to just be able to see the world and not be so caught up in the rush of things. Ha...I'm all about really "living in the moment" these days. And not being such a muli-tasker that I miss everything.

Then as I was "discovering" the world, I noticed Bill in my Nana's driveway as I was pulling into my drive way. I thought to myself that it was kinda weird that he would be over there so early. I mean it was almost 8:30 am. And I know she likes to sleep late. So I went ahead and got the girls out of the car and then I saw him walking around outside. Then he just got in his SUV and started to leave. That's when I noticed he had my Nana's trash on the hood of his car. He pulled over, got out, put the trash by the road, said hello to me and the girls, got back in, and then drove away. So apparently....Bill got up early, drove all the way over here, we live out in the country, and took her garbage out for her. Who does that? It sounds like something Dustin would do for me. SO now since I'm thinking of it like that, I guess this whole Bill and Nana getting married thing isn't so bad. Now I'm wishing I would have gotten a pic of Bill taking the trash out. lol.

It's been a minute.

When I created this blog, I had hoped that I would be able to update it pretty regularly. What I didn't realize was that right about the same time I would go through some sort of melt down. But...I am happy to announce that said melt down has run it's course and I'm back to just being the regular crazy me as opposed to the overly crazy me.

So let's see. A few things have happened since I last posted. We finally moved back to Ellisville. The move wasn't all that bad. And it didn't cost a fortune. Which is great. We basically had a van donated to us with gas included for a whole week. Isn't that something? Now I'm trying to unpack and I'm finding myself very unmotivated. Not for the reasons you would think though. I love where we are living now. I love the country. It's so peaceful here. I just want to sit back and relax and do nothing. It almost feels like time has stopped just for me and let me finally breathe for a minute. Haha...I know I'm not that special though.

Oh and my Nana set a wedding date. March 22. Oh, wait. They changed it. It's March 7th now. The day after my Papa's birthday. No. That's not right either. Oh yeah, It's this Sunday!! What the crap? Oh well. And then of all things my brother had no clue she had even decided to get married. I sent him a message on facebook to let him know about the newest date change and he totally freaked out. I can't believe he didn't know. We've been talking about it for weeks now. Anyway, Like I said before I'm really happy for her. It's hard for me but I'm dealing with it. But what makes me Furious is when someone who is not from my family freaks out about her getting married . Most of the time it's people from our church. I know they looked up to him (my Papa) as a pastor and all but what the freak people? If I, a member of his family who loved him dearly, can grin and bare it then you should be able to get over yourself for five freaking minutes and let a lady be happy. It makes me livid when they get visibly upset with crying and all. I really could just slap someone. But Thank GOD, I have self-control.

So now that my self professed melt down is over, I have been able to think clearly. Which has been amazing. And I'm writing again. I have all these ideas of things I want to write as well. So many actually that I can't even get them down on paper before a new idea starts. It's been crazy. I have had a spiritual awakening of some sort and I can see the world differently. I feel creative again. Not like some idiot who popped out a couple of kids and is struggling to keep her mind straight. I don't feel fragmented anymore. Maybe I had a quarter life (+ a year) crisis or something. But whatever it was is gone. And also I feel things now. That has been the worst part. Not being able to feel anything. But now I feel everything. I feel whole again. I feel full of life. I feel loved. I feel like I matter. I feel wise. I feel confident. I feel needed. I feel motherly. I feel important. I actually feel beautiful for the first time in a really long time. I don't have to have someone tell me it. I just feel it. It's amazing. Although, I still like to hear it occasionally. :)


Since we finally got moved, I was finally able to start going to the gym again. I have been so ready to go. Today was my first day and I totally loved it. I want to go back again already. It's so weird to me how much I have actually missed going to the gym since I have never really been athletic or anything. It's like I have been craving it. Just like I have been craving pineapple. I never really liked pineapple before but now it's like I can't get enough of it. Weird.

Tyler is starting his new school tomorrow. Well, now it's actually today since it's after midnight but whatever. I'm kind of nervous about it. I always hated switching schools so I hope everything goes smoothly.

So that about sums it up. Maybe now since the move is over I can post things more regularly and they won't be all jumbled into one post.

I'm not ready for this.

So it's official. My Nana is dating Bill. He's a nice enough guy. But not only are they dating they are talking about marriage. WTFreak? Since when does dating lead to marriage? OK, so I know I'm being a tad bit irrational...but dang! I'm just getting used to seeing him in my Papa's house without cringing. And I'm still trying to deal with seeing them holding hands and giggling like a bunch of teenagers. I told her she better slow down and she said, "We won't do anything you wouldn't do." WELL, that's just freaking Great, NANA! And with that I told her, " Well, if you can't be good then you might as well be good at what you do." She giggled and I'm hoping it's because what I said was funny and not because she was agreeing with me.

I really am happy for her. It wouldn't be SO bad if she wouldn't have said the words "marry" and "February" in the same sentence. That just makes me feel sick. I really don't care what she does or who with as long as she doesn't do it in that house. I mean, if she wants to get married that's fine. I just hope she moves to a different house.

American Idiot?

I watched American Idol tonight. I like the first few shows especially because all the crazys come out and audition. I have to say that they have had a few really crazy ones this year. But my favorite so far has to be the girl that came with the stuff she printed off line about singing. Like she was trying to make herself knowledgeable about vocal coaching overnight or something. And Ryan asked her if she got it straight out of Health class and she said no the internet. That was pretty funny. And she kept making up words and pronouncing words incorrectly. Like trachea. She kept saying tra-she-a. And then Ryan corrected her. Hahaha. But the two funniest parts was when she said she messed up singing because she used the wrong rectum? OMG! Me and mom almost died laughing. Dustin said maybe she was looking at the diagram upside down. LOL! And then after it was over she said something like, " If they could have ear-rack-a-tate me." WHAT the HECK does that even mean? I know it's not a word. Or two words blended even. I couldn't even spell it so I just spelled it like she pronounced it. Too Funny!