I have definitely changed for sure.

December 1, 2008

tears are falling that I didn't even know had a place anymore
a feeling that was long gone was rising
but u made sure to snuff it out
to smother out the fire that is me
why do u want to hurt me?
you don't even know me
you can't even see the tears that u cause
does it make u happy to know that?
I seem strong but I'm broken
but u wouldn't know that
and so the daggers you throw
reach deeper than you will ever know
they burn and sting and drown me all the same
is this what u wanted?
to see me broken and crying
well open your eyes
you won

I wrote this in December 2008.

Whatever happened to..if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all?

I have been noticing a trend lately of people tending to pick out the negative things about other people. I say "wow, that person is talented (beautiful, etc.etc.), then they say "but...(insert something negative)."

Really? Aren't we hard enough on ourselves already? I know that I am. I don't need a group of people to get together and celebrate my flaws as well. But truly if you are someone who does this, it doesn't make me think ANY less of that person. It actually makes you look REALLY bad.

Let's face it. We all can't be the most beautiful and talented in the entire world. There is always going to be someone prettier, younger, more talented, smarter, etc.etc. So be happy with who you are. Most likely everyone you hang out with likes you as you are. Otherwise they wouldn't hang out with you. Don't try to accentuate other people flaws to make yourself look better. All that does is make you look ridiculous and shallow. And believe me when I say that shines much brighter than any beauty or talent you may or may not have.

How's your influence today? You may not think you have any but people are watching you. They listen to what you are saying and doing. Have you ever noticed that when you are having a bad day, sometimes it rubs off on other people? Or maybe you are having a good day and that carries over to someone else. Hello people! That's influence. Be aware of yourself.

I found this on one of my old myspace blogs. Still like it and it still seems relevant. Enjoy. =)

Letting Go

Although it hurts, it seems necessary.
There is nothing I can do.
My hands are tied.
Either way there is pain.
So I'm letting go.

I just don't want to hurt anymore.
I wish you could see it through my eyes.
But you can't.
You have made up your mind.
So I'm letting go.

There was a time when it was different.
When words were used to bring us together.
But now all they do is tears us apart.
So I'm letting go.

I can't change what you think.
But I have to stay true to me.
I know who I am.
Even if you can't see.
So I'm letting go.

I don't want it to be mean.
Or to hurt you in any way.
So I will hold my tongue.
Hurt me if you must.
But I'm letting go.

-Penny

July 28, 2011

Today was a good day. I slept really well last night. When I woke up this morning I had this poem on my mind that I've been thinking of for a few days. Today it was more vivid so I finally just wrote it down. If you are interested in is written in my previous post. Then work went well. I got a really nice complement from a really dear friend. Laughed until I almost cried. Had an appearance from my (stalker). Got asked to visit a guy from Ohio in the fall based purely on my voice. haha. That was definitely interesting. And I learned that I lost 9 lbs in 2 weeks. Over all, a really great day. =)

Fallen Star

My love was a mountain. A fortress. A burning passion that could not be tamed. His love for me a weapon to defend what we had created. His eyes were like diamonds. Strong and fierce. His passion held his position in the sky. I followed without caution. I knew he would not lead me astray.

Suddenly, his eyes did not shine. And his passion turned to the blackest black. His strong hands turned to a cold shoulder. Then I watched as he fell to ground. Its a strange sight to see a fallen star. To see what once was and what now is. What once was bright and fruitful now laying dead and lifeless at my feet.

My eyes that once burned like a raging fire for him now smoldered to a simple flame. He looked up at me in hopes that I would see the man that he once was. All I saw was a fallen star.

I've missed my blog...

It has literally been FOREVER since I last posted on here. So much has change. I'm officially divorced. I moved to Tennessee. Now I'm a single mother of three. Kinda hard to say that aloud but anyway. It's a lot to handle. But I'm doing it. I never thought I would get to this place where I feel like I can do anything and nothing is holding me back. Except dating. lol. I've never really been good at dating. Being a mother of 3 and having to start dating again has been crazy. I have plenty of dates to choose from but I have found that I have become extra picky. I guess its because after all that I have been through I truly know what I want...and don't want. And I'm not willing to settle for anything less. I don't think that is too much to ask.

Also, I have made a lot of changes in me. I'm trying to become a better person. And that in itself has been really hard. I've had to ask myself some really hard questions and face somethings that were really difficult to think about. Overall, I feel brand new. Life is good. And its only going to get better.