I've got my memories always inside of me. But I can't go back to how it was.

I was watching my girls play today. They are so sweet. They were just playing without a care in the world. It made me want to go back to when things were so much simpler. Then all of a sudden Cadee scraped her head on something. She cried for a few seconds, unlike Kali who would have screamed for about an hour. lol. So I picked her up and fixed it up with some neosporin and a bandaid. I asked her if she was OK and she said, "I hurt." I told her it was OK and she said, 'Kiss it." So I did. And then she smiled and said, "All Better!"

Sometimes I wish this worked in the real world. Wouldn't it be awesome if a kiss could make everything better? Erase all the hurt and pain? It's sad to think that when she's older I won't be able to kiss away all the pain when she gets her heart broken over a silly boy. Or when she is sad about losing a friend.

Now when I think back over my life and all the things I have experienced, I feel helpless. I know I can't shelter them from everything. But as a mother I have to somehow figure out how to guide them to make the right decisions. So that maybe... just maybe, when situations come along they will be strong enough to make it through unscathed. Unlike me, who pretty much was a mess my whole life.

I think my problem has always been that I don't trust my feelings. Like... I'll know something doesn't seem right but still I will pursuit it or let it pursuit me. So it's not really about knowledge of the situation, it's the confidence to trust yourself when the situation arises. The strength to not be swayed by others. To stay firm in your convictions. How to not compromise yourself or your standards. Great. DO they have a book on how to teach those things?

Oh wait...they do. It's called the Bible.