I've been thinking a lot about love lately.

I'm going to go ahead and warn you. This blog is a little all over the place. But it wouldn't be mine if it wasn't. :)

Love. It's a great thing. It can inspire us. It can change us. It can change our motivation for living. Love is about putting another person before yourself. Caring about another person regardless of how it affects you.

I know you all have probably heard this before regardless of if you read the bible or not.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Reading back over that scripture it really makes me think. How has my love been lately? Has it been patient with my children? Has it been kind to my husband? Has it chosen to not be envious, boastful, and rude to my friends? What about self seeking and easily angered? I think these two go hand in hand because if we don't get what we want sometimes we are quick to get angry about it. It keeps no records of wrongs. Now how exactly does that work? Because if someone does something bad to me, I may forgive them but it will still be in there somewhere in the back of my mind. Love does not encourage bad things, its motivation is in the truth. So this is probably where I have had the most trouble with love during my lifetime. If it doesn't seem or feel right then it probably isn't. And if you have to justify it then that just proves my point. Have I been a good protector? Do I trust, hope, and try to preserve? Yeah, I think my love needs a little work.

I'm reading a new book. It's about love. One of the things that caught my attention was when it said that we need to choose to lead our heart instead of follow it. All of my life I have heard "just follow your heart." So this was a very different perspective that made total sense. If you are not leading your heart then something or someone else is. It's that simple. And usually that something or someone doesn't have your best interest at heart. In some cases it may but a lot of times it does not. Another thing that it said is that love is a decision and not just a feeling. If you really think about it then you know it is true. Obviously, it starts out as a feeling but at some point you chose to stick with it. That in turn making it a decision.

I'm also reading another book. In this book, it talks about how women are better at expressing their thoughts or feelings than men are. It says that the most common complaint in relationships from women is the inability or unwillingness of men to reveal their feelings. Some call this emotionally unavailable. I had to laugh at this a little because when I look at this applied to myself I am the total opposite of emotionally unavailable. I mean, women tend to be more open but I am even more so than the average. I am very open about my thoughts and feelings. I like to call it passionate. ;) And when I say open I mean honest. If you want to know how I feel about something all you have to do is ask and I will give you the total honest truth. I don't try to hide my feelings about things at all. But at any rate, being this way tends to cause a problem in the relationship department. And I'm not just talking about marriage. I tend to be open with other people as well. The book says in the marriage aspect to compromise. Well, duh. I hate it when I read stuff thinking it's going to be a great eye opener and then at the end I already know the answer. Maybe I'm too smart for knowledge. Yeah, we'll go with that. :)

So back to love. So what happens when you find that someone and the feelings are there you are willing to compromise and you make the decision to stay with them forever and then tragedy strikes and that person is taken away from you. And I mean by death not by the hooker down the street. Can you ever truly love again? Or will the next venture be tainted by what used to be? I'm guessing it just really depends on the people in the situation. I have a tendency to shut down when extremely bad things happen. It's like all that openness goes away for a time. And I can't feel anything. Eventually I will get better and things are great. I can be the weird crazy random me again. I sometimes worry though that what if one of those times I just get pushed over the edge and I don't recover? Hopefully I am a lot stronger than what I think I am and there is no need to worry about that.

SO since you are so enamored by me that you must read all my blogs religiously you are probably wondering what brought all this about. :)

Well, One...I think about love a lot anyway. :) Two, I am always thinking of ways to improve myself. And Three, as you know my Papa passed away a year ago in October. I'm still kind of dealing with that in my own way. And I'm sure my Nana is as well. There is an old family friend of hers that has been coming around a lot lately. He lost his wife about two years ago. He is really nice and they grew up together. They have known each other their whole lives and at one point their families lived in a duplex together. But not only is he coming around he is wanting to date her. I can't even begin to imagine what she must be feeling. Well, I probably can but who knows if I would be right. I think he is pretty serious about dating her because he is going to get dentures next week. :) It kinda sounds gross but I think it is so romantic. It's a little odd seeing him in her house but it's not awkward. He kind of fits in. Just so you know, that's not an easy task. My family is really crazy, loud, and absolutely funny but usually scares people off. Especially potential dates. But I think that the rule of thumb is that if he can keep up then he's a keeper. :) It's a little weird for me but I am so happy for her. She has been kind of feeling isolated lately and I think this is just what she needs to help her get back into alignment.

I love people. I love their stories. I wish I could just sit around all day listening to people tell me about their lives and the things they have experienced. The places they have seen. The things they have done. The good times and the bad times. Everything. Why, you ask? Well, because it matters. People matter.

You can have everything you could possibly want in the world but if you don't have love then nothing else matters. So go love somebody. :)